14 Sep 2015
I received a letter from a dear friend overseas. I removed the name and other details for privacy. My response follows after.
Missing you today. Mostly because if you were here, you would know how to explain to me what is going on in my head. I wish I could just ship you over to Germany for the week so badly!
I’m struggling with validation and feeling inadequate. Two of the things that were the hardest for me before I was medicated when I was in _. What do I do when all I can think about is whether or not I’m good enough?
You know me. This isn’t a “tell me I’m pretty” email.
I don’t feel any connection to [my new coworkers]. While I do have other friends, it is hard to be in a room for 10 hours a day with people who you know don’t appreciate your company. Ugh. What do I do?
I feel lonely, I guess. Things are fine, don’t get me wrong, and I do not want to depend on people to make me feel complete or valid. So what’s the solution? Fact is, humans need positive human interaction. I’m struggling finding that interaction. Ugh. …
Hello Sweet One!!!
First let me say this, what you’re going through is normal. And I don’t mean normal in the sense that you and I both share it as people with “mental illness” (hate that term), I mean normal as in every-single-person-on-the-planet normal.
That was one of my first major lessons: It’s okay to feel this way. It’s okay to feel any way. But society tells us feelings are to be hidden under the rug, because it’s inconvenient and uncomfortable to discuss such things. So definitely don’t feel bad for feeling bad….if that makes sense.
Second, I shouldn’t expect that this feeling won’t return occasionally, even if you were to conquer it like Prince Charming beating back Maleficent with a sword. This one was hard for me too. I thought all my darkness was erased, only to find I just threw it in the back of the closet to stew in the darkness while I wasn’t looking.
Now when you say “don’t appreciate my company,” how sure are we that this is not a projection from you upon them? I do this ALL THE TIME. I believe “so and so hates me!” only to find I made it all up in my mind out of fear. Fear of what might be, accidentally got written to my brain as fear of what is….even though it isn’t, not really.
And don’t forget, even if they really did hate you, “I can’t wait until she’s gone, I can’t stand her” hate you……How is that a reflection of you? No, really! How is someone spending all their energy on despising you, your problem??
If you can’t stand bananas, how is that the banana’s fault or concern? A banana can’t suddenly become an apple or an orange to please you, so why bother worrying about not being an apple or an orange?
The solution? Honestly? You may not like the simplicity of it at all. 😉
Acceptance of what is.
- Attempting to rewrite the past we would rather redo,
- Relive the past that we miss,
- Affect the future so that ‘it’ll get better’
Wait…what? But….logically that doesn’t make any sense. We’re not IN the past, and we can’t change it, or go back….and the future? Well, but once we actually REACH the future…………won’t it just be “now” when we get there?
So that’s the point of it all that everyone keeps missing: Be in the present moment with all your might. Smell the smells, hear the wind blowing, smile at the old couple holding hands, watch the sun rise or set. Life is Beautiful if we could only bother to take notice.
There is no finish line of life. If you race all your life to the future, and the future just becomes the now….didn’t you kind of, ya know, miss your life? Ever see that Adam Sandler movie “Click”? He fast forwards through his life to the next “improvement,” only to find out he missed every important moment in his life. He had become a zombie, racing from promotion to promotion.
“Once I _____, everything will be okay.”
Everything is okay NOW. No, seriously. Ask yourself this: What, in this exact moment, is lacking? If you come up with a response, you’ve missed the point. Any response that lists things you want, that you don’t have…..that is not what is.
Always fighting the present moment, wishing to be somewhere else is a form of insanity that we humans have imbued into our lives. It is only recently that some of us are waking up, and slowing down.
So what are we left with?
- It’s okay to feel this way, and it will happen again throughout your life. Don’t fight it. Feel it. Work through it. Learn from it.
- Others’ opinions of you are just that, their judgment of you from their perspective. This is not your concern. Be authentic. Be yourself. Have FUN doing so. Be a banana.
- Anytime you’re feeling wound up in what ‘could be’ or ‘should be’, take a look at what actually ‘is’. Feel it, smell it, taste it, touch it, laugh at it, revel in it. Be amazed that everything you see in front of you is all just different expressions of God, the All, the Source, the Universe. Whatever you want to label it, be a part of it.